Grief And Bereavement

Grief is not a process of forgetting,

it is a process of learning to cope while we remember

- Doug Manning

Grief is a natural reaction we have to a loss.  It has many definitions and characteristics and can involve an overwhelming flood of emotions and reactions. Because of our ability to love, each of us will likely experience grief at some time in our lives.  While it is a universal experience, it is also a unique one. Understanding the many different elements and layers surrounding grief will give you a foundation not only to help yourself but also to be more supportive of others.

Grief can affect us physically, emotionally, behaviorally, and spiritually.  While there are strong similarities in the way we grieve, when someone we care about dies, we grieve in our own way.  There is no one way to manage grief or a magic formula to make us heal faster.  However, a number of resources are available to help people cope with grief in healthy effective ways.

A level of comfort is provided by the support of those around us.  Everybody needs some support.  Ask for help when you need it.  Accept help when it’s offered.  Let a friend do something for you.  The support of friends, family, and co-workers can help to alleviate some of the fear and anxiety a person who is grieving experiences.

Most people receive an abundance of social and emotional support at the time of a loved one’s death and for a short time afterwards.  Support may change over time, however, as most people are not sure how to support someone who is grieving.  And support systems can break down when people resume their normal lives.

Quality of support is more important than quantity.  Look for:

• Safe people
• Safe places
• Support groups
• Support organizations
• A grief counselor

There are several ways to find one or several of the resources listed above.  If your community has a local bereavement center, they would have the most extensive information and resources. If no bereavement center is available, consider contacting one of the following:

• Your funeral home
• A place of worship
• A local hospice
• The local United Way

Any of the above places should be able to give you information on local support groups and/or counselors/therapists who specialize in grief. It is important if you feel you want counseling that you work with a professional who has experience working with grief.

There is also an abundance of books available on grief—and just about every specific type of loss. It is recommended you first look at what is available at a library to get an idea to which book/author you can best relate.

Often it is difficult to concentrate on reading when coping with grief, so you may want to try a book on tape. It fills the silence as well as allows you to listen when you most need the support.

Another area for resources is the internet. There are some websites with helpful information and resources, but there are also many chat rooms and blogs that are questionable. Be wise in your choices and know you can log off at any time if something online makes you uncomfortable or is not helpful or even becoming hurtful.

The most important thing to remember is that you do not need to go through this grief all alone. Reach out in whatever way you are most comfortable and know you will get through this painful time. The goal is not to “get over it” but to get through it and with the right support, you will.